fear

“Someday” Never Happens: Taking The Scary Step NOW

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I told my wife, Kate, “Someday, it will happen. Someday…”

For 20 years.

It had been a dream to travel as a family to Ireland.

Understandably, we had many challenges along the way. Medical and financial challenges, family obligations. We couldn’t seem to get a break to make it happen. But my answer would always be the same…”Someday.”

Then last year I traveled to Slovenia to help a church organization with a performance arts camp for young people. It really effected me, and I wanted to share this experience with Kate.

But I didn’t want to hijack this dream we’d had for over 20 years.

So when I returned from Slovenia, we sat down, pulled the trigger, and purchased the tickets to go to Ireland and Scotland.

With my sons Matty and Duncan at the Cliffs of Moher, County Clare, Ireland
With my sons Matty and Duncan at the Cliffs of Moher, County Clare, Ireland

It was scary. It was a leap of faith financially and I wasn’t sure how things would work out with all of our other obligations.

I am so grateful that we did it.

I got to reunite with family that I had not seen in over 24 years. The kids got to meet family they had never met before. We were able to experience beautiful sights and rich history in both Ireland and Scotland.

It’s opened up the possibility of doing more travel and learning how to successfully navigate that with my son’s autism.

The biggest lesson I have learned is that “someday” never happens.

The word “someday” can be used as an excuse to put something off, or it can be used to comfort ourselves.

Ultimately, however, it doesn’t deliver the real goods. It only gives us whisps and longing for the unfulfilled.

The great stuff comes when we act in the now and take the scary step.

Just a warning: when you get ready to take the scary step, you’ll be met with a lot of resistance and a lot of naysayers. There will be people that say “I could never do that.” Or people that will question “How are you able to do that?” Or even the voice within your head that will say “What are you doing?”

Push through. You know that deep down inside, that true voice is saying “Do it” because there is greatness on the other side.

I’m so grateful I took the scary step and did something I had been holding back on for a long time. The rewards were worth it.

What are you holding back from doing? Talk about it on my Facebook page and join the conversation…

Crossroads-Making the Difficult Decision

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I remember back in the late 90’s I was at a crossroads…

I wasn’t making enough money with part time entertainment work while raising a family.

I needed to figure out what to do.

My parents and in-laws had helped us through some rough patches financially, but it couldn’t last forever.
Right around this time, I was also blindsided by a medical issue that required surgery and treatment.
Scary times.
I went through a dark period of depression, not sure what to do.
photo courtesy of Carsten Toolkit https://goo.gl/lTyA3x
photo courtesy of Carsten Toolkit https://goo.gl/lTyA3x

I rediscovered my faith during this period which was incredibly helpful, because I had a hard decision to make.

Was I going to continue on in the path of creative work, or was I going to settle for “regular” work?

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Running Away From Fear: A Lesson from the Dentist

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Running Away From Fear Doesn't Help
Copyright: alphaspirit / 123RF Stock Photo

Went to the dental hygienist and was in and out in 40 minutes. It was an easy visit.

That was not the case as recently as five years ago. I used to be petrified. I’d have to get myself mentally and spiritually prepared for a visit to the dentist.

I had terrible experiences as a child at the dentist’s office. I won’t go into the terrible details, but it really did a number on me mentally. It took me decades to get over this. I had a couple a decent experiences in my 20’s and 30’s with other dental offices, but after another long absence of check-ups and exams, I needed to do something. In my late 30’s I went back again and worked with my current dentist to get through my phobias.

I had a couple of advantages going back. Dental technology and practices have greatly advanced. Pain is not the norm in 21st century dentistry in North America. I also had a doctor and dental hygienist that were able to talk to me and explain uncomfortable processes, like deep cleaning and a root canal.

You’re probably facing a challenge in your life that’s like the dentist. It could be taxes, debt, finishing school. Maybe you’ve been running away from them for a long time. Running away doesn’t work. It delays that which has to get done. Running away also feeds the “fear monster” that has the habit of turning reasonable concerns into imagined gigantic unconquerable fortresses. These imagined fears of what will happen get so large that we continue running away from what needs to be done.

It’s not helping you. It’s hurting you. It’s hurting your forward motion.

Have you been running away from something that’s just been weighing on you for a long time? Is it a commitment that honestly you just can’t keep and you’ve got to let someone down? Is it something that you hope will go away, but it has to get done no matter what?

There’s hope.

Other people have gone through the same situation. Seek them out, give them a call for help. Listen to their story online. You’ll soon discover there are other people who came out the other side of a situation very similar to yours. And they survived. And it wasn’t as bad as they thought it would be.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. But believe me, with a little time, a little focus and a lot of support you could have the same feeling of ease I did coming out of the dentist’s office the other day.

Share what you’re fighting through on my Facebook Page. It might be a great first place to ask and receive the help you’re looking for to move forward.

 

The Weak Wish

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vel·le·i·ty
(vəˈlēətē)
noun formal
1. a wish or inclination not strong enough to lead to action. "The notion intrigued me, but remained a velleity."

What an interesting word. ” A wish not strong enough to lead to action.”

How many fanciful thoughts have I had running through my head? I keep coming back to them again and again, because in my fantasy they seem cool.

But I don’t do the work to bring them into being.

It’s safer to keep them as an idea, because God forbid, once I take a step I have to see if there is substance to it.

The rubber has to hit the road at some point.

The hardest moment is making the first move, shooting the first frame of film, writing the first words.

Pull the trigger.

Because here’s an idea that’s going to help you out…

You won’t get it right the first time. You never do. This is not about attaining perfection instantaneously.

It’s about putting in the sweat and exercising the muscle.

Get velleity out of your head and start breaking some ground.

Fear is a Big Time Waster

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The amount of time that I have wasted worrying about a negative outcome is head shakingly bad.

I would work out in my head how things might go wrong. Or I would try to think like a master chess player and calculate every move and counter move I could do to avoid disaster.

More times than not, the thing that I thought would go wrong… never happened.

And on those rare occasions when something did go wrong… it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.

There is a great sense of freedom when we stay in the moment and not worry about the future.

Time is a precious thing. Why waste it on nothing?

©Whipple Street Productions 2019